I wish I had some great highlights this week.  It rained ridiculously hard and as a result all the smart little critters I’m entrusted to murder were seeking shelter.

Here is a  recap of what I accomplished:

  • I confused a lot of pigeons. I didn’t really solve the issue per say, but they are still trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. They probably will for years.  I’d tell you what I did, but I am not really sure either.
This should prove to be an interesting human.

This should prove to be an interesting human.

  • I took down a rather large hornet nest, bagged it and put it in my truck. I did not seal the bag. They escaped and turned my vehicle into a mythological torture chamber.


  • I fed a bird out of my car at McDonald’s. Shortly after the photo was taken it took to the street in a motorized rascal scooter for the obese and was eaten by an owl, which later died of a heart attack.

i'm not fat, i'm big boned. For a bird.

Lastly I dealt with a woman who started her first sentence with “Maybe I’m just crazy, but..”.    If those words leave your face hole whilst in a conversation to someone in pest control it indeed means you are, in fact, crazy.  She points out all the imaginary bites from invisible bugs and I find myself slowly backing out of the room.  The floor has holes picked right down to the underlay where she was searching for these “rainbow colored vermin.”

It was quite obvious this woman was a drug abuser.  I deal with this a lot. Meth addicts often call me with “bugs all over their body” and prescription abusers usually with “bugs all over their home”.  I have become really adept at identifying what kind of picker they are.  This woman was the latter.

where the wild things are.  Can't see them? Me either.

where the wild things are. Can’t see them? Me either.

So that’s pretty depressing.  You know what I do when my work gives me the blues on rainy weeks with depressing clients?  I look at a picture of a dead raccoon my coworker took.  He is an artist and I am jealous of his talent.

It's a mild case of death, he'll pull through.

It’s a mild case of death, he’ll pull through.

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