Internet for Dummies

Today I was reminded of something that happens all to often.

I was called in by an apartment complex to inspect two units for mice.  Both tenants were very pleasant.  They were just fucking stupid.  It’s not their fault, it’s the internet. The first woman was pretty simple but she had it in her mind it was a rat, not a mouse.  She argued with me up and down about how she read on the web what rat and mice look like and I was wrong.  She was roughly around 6,000 years old and very deaf.  Then she told me she was mostly blind too.  Come to think of it, she didn’t have a computer either. She also said the rat was naked.  This is a bad example, let’s move on.

The second tenant did something that is all too common,  she tried every home remedy she could read about.  I have to make note that she too had one glass eye and glaucoma in the other.  Her apartment was strewn with moth balls, garlic cloves, buckets with peanut butter in them, store bought rat poison, sonic deterrents, vinegar and mouse traps.  To me it looked as though she was battling vampires with peanut allergies in a fish and chip factory.  The only thing missing was a prayer circle and a burning pentagram.

It’s only then do they call in a professional.  Yet, somehow people need to argue with me about how all this stuff works.  If it worked, I wouldn’t be there, simple as that.  Mice infestations can’t be fixed with a bucket.  If you are in a fight and you throw left hook after left hook and constantly get the shit kicked out of you, don’t tell me how awesome left hooks are.

most powerful punch in the universe but also the most inaccurate.

most powerful punch in the universe but also the most inaccurate.

The internet has a lot of valuable information but it is literally like trying to find a bottle of hand sanitizer in a sea of shit.  It will constantly bombard you with so much misinformation that after your nose stops bleeding you need to be deprogrammed by the professional you will inevitably call.  It’s like when Keanu Reeves plugged into the matrix to learn Kung-Fu, but instead he also learns 1001 ways to eat a pancake funny.

I am fairly certain this is a universal truth for most contractors.  It’s just, in my profession I am trying to kill something with the latest and safest materials while you are throwing potpourri at it.  She even told me she preferred to use a “green” spray for bugs a website sold her because it contained natural pyrethrin, which is a natural extract from chrysanthemum flowers.  To which I had to explain is also the main ingredient in almost every single pesticide on the market and to stop washing her hair with it.

The internet was wrong?

The internet was wrong?

I know right?!

I know right?!

Anyway, I’ll leave it at that today.  Just do me a favor and when you use the internet and then proceed to tell someone how to do their job, bend over, shove your head up your ass and whistle.  I don’t know what will happen either but it’s probably just as useful.

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