Death and Dead Things

There are a lot of things about my job that I simply cannot sit around and discuss with my wife at dinner.  I don’t work for the CIA or anything as romantic as that.  It’s just pest control,  but my day deals with a lot of death and lately not just the pest kind.  It has been depressing.  Most of the week I’ve been dealing with wasp nests and we joke that we may as well wear a cape and our underwear on the outside of our pants when you see the reaction of our clients.  But, after my week I feel pretty much like this:

Being a hero is dealing with sweat and spandex

Being a hero

So It all came to a head today.  I was called in by the city to inspect a residence where a man hung himself, a year ago.  The body was discovered and removed about 2 days ago.  So here I am, inside a house looking around for any signs of infestation that may pose as a hazard to contractors who are preparing to demolish the house.  It’s a macabre sight to behold.  It feels like a deleted seen from the movie Se7en.   Remember that film?  It had Brad Pitt in it and Gwyneth Paltrow’s head.

Sorry, I could have sworn it was Gwenyth's head in there.  It's been a while since I saw the film.

Sorry, I could have sworn it was Gwyneth’s head in there. It’s been a while since I saw the film.

This guy was hanging in his own house for a year.  Nobody called, nobody cared.  You could cut the despair, smell and sadness with a knife, it was palatable.  Eventually the neighborhood kids broke into the house, thinking it was abandoned, to film an amateur horror movie.  They found much more horror than they had hoped,  but decided to graffiti a portrait of a man hanging himself on the front door before calling the police. *sigh*.

In the back of the house was a dismantled Cessna 172 aircraft.  Worthless without the operators log, but luck had it that the contractors found it.  It is now being reassembled and sold, because this shit wasn’t weird enough.  To add insult to injury, this is the third time in three months that I’ve dealt with something like this.  I don’t do humans.

If you want to see the house, feel free to play the video below.  I apologize for the heavy Darth Vader respirator breathing, it’s actually not as bad as my phone sex breathing:

On top of all that there seems to be a raccoon pandemic happening, again.  I get a call from a guy who saw a raccoon crawl into a bush and die during his daughters birthday party.  It seems grim sure, but this little event cheered me up.  I took some of her party favors and decided to turn that frown upside down.  Sure, she’ll be scarred for life, but I’m sure when she’s old enough she will laugh about it at dinner parties and then draw pictures of herself in feces on the wall.

We all have to die sometime, So make the best of how you leave this mortal coil.

This is how I'm gonna go

This is how I’m gonna go

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