I Made a Birdhouse

It’s been far too long since I posted anything here and I think it’s time for an update.  I am not going to make up for 3 weeks of missed posts in one blog so I will make it simple.

What you missed:


I met Col. Chris Hadfield.  He is the Man, the Space Man, the Rocket Man, the Commander and the Interstellar Mo Bro.  We had a lengthy conversation and discussed everything from canoes to other things that did not involve canoes.  The fact of the matter is this man is a legitimate Canadian hero.  He is not a movie star who pretends to go to space, he is the real deal.  I am a guy who smashes rodents with hammers. I was in awe.  To meet him I built a birdhouse when I volunteered to help at a function my wife was helping to organize.  It was the centerpiece at his table when he was a guest speaker at the gala.  His reaction to this birdhouse  the night before was a lot more enthusiastic than I could have anticipated.  He spent a great amount of time showing it to people, taking photos and tweeting about it.  Listen, when an engineer who goes to work on a rocket is impressed by something you made, you brag about it.  I have a 3 minute video of him saying things like “genius!”  So lets not hold it against him that he is a horrible judge of character.  There were nine of us in the room, he brought out his guitar and played Major Tom.  I pretty much did this:


The following week I went back to work with the largest grin on my face.  It was gone instantly when I had discovered someone had taken a massive poop in my toolbox.   I left it in the back alley entrance while I did work on the other side of the door.  This poo was enormous.  It was perplexing.  The sheer size of it indicated a very healthy and well fed individual.  I can only assume it was left by a dinosaur or a Sasquatch.  I will not post the photo, but I did take one, because I want the credit for the discovery of whatever mythical creature left that monolith behind.

My reaction to the toolbox discovery

My reaction to the toolbox discovery

Culprit's alleged poopface

Culprit’s alleged poopface

I was also assaulted by a 96 year old woman in my time away.  I arrived at her apartment to inspect for bed bugs that she had complained about to management. She was from old Germany and upon seeing me at her door dressed in all back with black gloves she made the logical conclusion that I was the Gestapo.  I was there to do unspeakable things to her hard earned freedoms and she was going to have non of my evil ways.  She swung her cane at me and missed. It hit the wall and broke in half.  She then decided to commit vehicular homicide and attempted to run me over with her push cart.  That she accomplished but my steel toe boots saved my fragile life.

Picture this, but 90 years older

Picture this, but 90 years older

I explained to her that I was not Gestapo nor was I management (she had an equal disgust for both).  That brought her hulk rage down from a 10 to a 6.  A six I can work with.  I still got in, and inspected the room without touching a thing.  She specifically said If I put my hands on anything she will have me killed like they do in South America.  I am not sure the customary way one is killed down there but it sounds dreadfully awful.

So I have had some time to really contemplate all this.  Chris Hadfield Inspires a lot of people.  He is exceptionally good at reaching out and showing us all a perspective only a handful of humans have ever had.  It is something we should all experience.  He is the epitome of the people that do jobs others won’t or simply cannot do.  My job falls into the “won’t do” category, but it is important to peoples’ every day lives.  What science has accomplished, and continues to discover in orbit affects us in ways we may never fully realize.  Mr. Hadfield is the ambassador to the front lines of human accomplishment.  It is him and people like him that have furthered our inspiration, exploration and imaginations.

I am happy to do my part to help out civilization.  Thanks to the Commander, I have a greater drive to see what else I can do.  Even if old ladies think I am the devil and random strangers shit on my tools.

birdhousetweet birdhouse HadfieldMe

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